Sunday, June 15, 2014

So, Father's Day, 2014...

I've spent much of the day around other people's fathers (congrats again to the Miklos and Kravitz families - last night's wedding gave you some awesome new relations). Now, as the day ends, here is me being with my Dad.

We didn't see eye to eye about a lot of things, when he was alive. Not in the "I'm gonna leave home at 15 and take lots of drugs and be in ratty punk bands" sort of way. Just different people, who were placed in a situation that didn't make the love any less.

Standing here on the edge of 10 years since I knew it would be your last Father's Day. I wish I could remember more of that day... but so much of those last 6-8 months is a blur. I can only think that, minus all of the days that I want to walk off the face of this earth (which is not your fault, it's my own chemical imbalance that I work through) you made me a better man. Even if it makes me work harder than I should have to, be a completist when I don't have to, and see things through further than I should have any responsibility for, I am proud of the man you made me become. You may not have understood me, and at the same time said "you can be whatever you want, you can do this" along with "I don't know why you are wasting your time with that" - despite all of that, I still love and miss you. You did the best you knew how. And that is all anyone can ask of themselves. To do the best they can at that given moment.

A given moment. That's the thing I believe in.

Necessary Disclaimer: I'm pretty tired, had a couple of gin & tonics (his other favorite was the Manhattan) and I haven't played this in...a couple of years, unless someone can correct me on that. Anyway...